Jokes Duniya

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six!” he said.

Here are the 10 fun things to do in a final exam. But beware, you’d have to be ready for the consequences too!!

1. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

2. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.

3. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: “I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs.” Be creative.
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1. Drum on every available surface.

2. Sing the Batman theme incessantly, going “Batman!!”

3. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

4. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

5. Set alarms for random times.

6. Honk and wave to strangers.

7. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”. “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”