Funniest Animal Jokes




Beware of the Panda



A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don’t understand.”

20548585thm.jpg

The panda says, “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walks out of the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading “Panda”. It reads:

“Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.”

Comments(6)| |

Smart dogs



Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

20436899thm.jpg

Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.
Continue Reading »

Comments(14)| |

A cute little dog



A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”

dog

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

Comments(7)| |

Adopted



Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

adopted.jpg

The turtle
tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

Comments(1)| |

A Blind Man and His Dog



A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

Dog

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”

Comments(5)| |

Pages (8): [1] 2 3 4 » ... Last »

Receive the best jokes...

Tired of all those crappy, "not so funny" old jokes?

We have gone through thousands of jokes and selected only the funniest ones which will definitely make you laugh your ass off.

Simply fill and submit the form below and receive the hilarious jokes every week in your email:

Name:
Email:

? >