Funniest Animal Jokes




Got any grapes?



A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?

The bartender confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”

Duck

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell,

“Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?
Confused, the bartenders says no.

”Good!” says the duck, “Got any grapes?”

Comments(1)| |

Talking dog for sale



This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

“You talk?”
he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

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I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
Continue Reading »

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Great size…



In an elephant’s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen.

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Then one of the elephants says: “Look yaar, 3600 – 2400 – 3600!!”

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Go, get some beer!



One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper’s house, drinking beer.

They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, “I’d go, but I’m kinda slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go.”

The grasshopper said, “I don’t mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we’ll get sprayed every time we open one.”

So they decided to send the centipede and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

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An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn’t returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.

They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.

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A big hunter



A big Hunter in a party talking about his hunting career and told, “Yes I used to shoot tigers in Africa.” The listeners protested saying there are no tigers on that continent.

hunter.jpg

The Hunter replied, “Of course I shot them all.”

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