Funniest Animal Jokes





Go, get some beer!



One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper’s house, drinking beer.

They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, “I’d go, but I’m kinda slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go.”

The grasshopper said, “I don’t mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we’ll get sprayed every time we open one.”

So they decided to send the centipede and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

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An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn’t returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.

They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.

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Yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo



Pehla gadha: Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

Doosra gadha: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.

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Pehla gadha:
Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo.

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Don’t loose hope



Ek Gadha : Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.
Dusara Gadha : To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

donkey

Pehla Gadha : Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai …
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai, “teri shadi gadhe se kar dunga…!” bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon…!!!

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Run from a bear



Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

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The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”

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A Blind Man and His Dog



A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

Dog

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”

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