Hilarious Lawyer Jokes





I Know You



A lawyer approached to an elderly grandmother and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me.

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You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

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Stupid lawyer



Lawyer asked to the Lady, “How was your first marriage terminated?”

The lady replied, “By death.”

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Lawyer asked again, “Well, by whose death was it terminated?”

Lady replied, “Non-sense.!!

The lawyer asked again, “At east try to guess it.”

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How much do you want it to be?



A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”

Lawyer

The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”

Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”

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Lawyer’s grave



A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

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“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, Why would you think that?

The tombstone back there said, “Here lies a lawyer an honest man.”

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Sound advice



A Philosopher is giving speech in a crowed, he told to the people, “Always listen to your wife as she gives 100% sound advice.”

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People from the crowed asked him, “Please Sir, tell in details how the wife gives 100% sound advice?”

The Philosopher replied, “99% sound and 1% advice.”

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