Hilarious Lawyer Jokes





That’s Strange



A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

tomb stone

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, “That’s Strange.”

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Lawyer In hell



A lawyer died and was delivered into the devil’s hands. “You will be spending eternity here, but I’ll let you pick your own room from three I’ll show you,” the devil said.

In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. “I don’t like that,” said the man. “Show me the second.”

In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. “Well, that’s better than brick,” the man said, “but show me the third.”

helhead.jpg

In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee.

“I’ll choose this room,” he said.

Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.

Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, “OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads.”

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Stupid lawyer



Lawyer asked to the Lady, “How was your first marriage terminated?”

The lady replied, “By death.”

lawyers.jpg

Lawyer asked again, “Well, by whose death was it terminated?”

Lady replied, “Non-sense.!!

The lawyer asked again, “At east try to guess it.”

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How much do you want it to be?



A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”

Lawyer

The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”

Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”

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Paying the fine money



A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.

The judge said “Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100.”

pickpocket.jpg

The lawyer stood up and said “Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, But if you’d allow him a few minutes in the crowd he will gather all the required fine.”

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