Jokes Duniya

Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip…same reaction. But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.

Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, “Hey mishter, tashte this!”

Santa obliges…he promptly spits it out. “It tastes like piss,” Santa shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: “It ish. Now tell me how old am I ?”

Santa is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie.

It says, “I will give you three wishes.” Santa thinks awhile. Finally he says, “I want a beer that never is empty.”

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. Santa starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill.

The genie asks about his next two wishes.

Santa says, “I want two more of these.”

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

“Sorry I can’t serve you,” States the barman.

“Why not?” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know this, Sister?”
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A very shy guy goes into a tavern and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally walks over to her and asks tentatively, “Umm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and so he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean two hundred dollars?”