Funny Bar Jokes

Reasons to allow drinking at work

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

5. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

6. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

8. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

9. If someone does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

A nun arrives at a bar

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know this, Sister?”
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Spielberg and Chinese

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”. “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

You Look Like My Wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”