A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks.
The horse asks, “What are you staring at?”
Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”
The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip…same reaction. But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, “Hey mishter, tashte this!”
Santa obliges…he promptly spits it out. “It tastes like piss,” Santa shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: “It ish. Now tell me how old am I ?”
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
5. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
6. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
8. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
9. If someone does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin?“
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh! no,” says Dave.
“He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
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