Jokes Duniya

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the dancer from my bachelor party, oh my god, I know I was drunk that night, but you got pregnant too!!Please don’t tell my wife, she’ll kill me!

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, actually I’m your son’s math teacher.”

A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.

The stylist replied “no” so the blonde left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. The stylist agreed.

After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. They were saying, “Breathe in, Breathe out”.

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed, not able to sleep because of the neighbors constantly barking dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, ‘I’ve had enough of this!’

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?’ The blonde says, ‘I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it.’

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were under training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are shown in the picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds “… think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The third blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm… the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

“Well, that’s an interesting answer… wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

“Wow! I can’t believe it… it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”

A blond began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids were enjoying a game of soccer.

She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was.

A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, the blond said, “Would you like me to be your friend?”

The boy hesitated, then said, “Okay”, looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone? Why don’t you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?”

“Because…..,” the little boy said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”