A blonde and her husband are lying in bed, not able to sleep because of the neighbors constantly barking dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, ‘I’ve had enough of this!’
She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?’ The blonde says, ‘I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it.’
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.
After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine and pushes another button suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.
“Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?”
The blonde turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!.”
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde : We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator : Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde : Yes.
Operator : The power in the house in on?
Blonde : Of course.
Operator : And the switch is on?
Blonde : Yes, yes.
Operator : And the bulb still won’t light up?
Blonde : No, it’s working fine.
Operator : Then what’s the problem?
Blonde : We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down fast and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped then the movie star took one and jumped and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, “There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my bag!”
Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the brunette yells, ”EARTHQUAKE!!!” Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the redhead yells, ‘‘TORNADO!” Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!” and the blonde yells, ”FIRE!!!”
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