Old Age and Retirement Jokes



Memory porblem

(11 votes, average: 4.45 out of 5)
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There were these two elderly people living in a Florida old age home. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening, there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After some ‘careful consideration,’ she answered, “Yes, I will.”

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The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective rooms.
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Old man don’t eat peanut

(9 votes, average: 4.11 out of 5)
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An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

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“Don’t worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway,” the old man replies. “Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M’s.”


Goodbye to mother

(14 votes, average: 4.71 out of 5)
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A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

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A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -“Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”


My costly skirt

(9 votes, average: 2.44 out of 5)
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One big ship suddenly falls in danger in mid sea and sea water entered in to the ship. Everybody was running fast here and there.

A young couple have seen that one very old lady is also running but she has picked up her skirt upto her heap.

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So they told the old lady “Granny, why did you lift up your skirt, pls put it down.”

The old lady told “Oh no no, my 85 years old body people can see no problem but my costly skirt I can not let it be destroyed.

Games 24x7

My Hearing is Perfect

(9 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

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“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

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