(12 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5)
Loading ...Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?‘ No, ‘the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ The third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer.’
(15 votes, average: 4.6 out of 5) Loading ...A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
(9 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5) Loading ...A man died and went to the skies.
Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, ‘Before you meet with God, I should tell you - you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not sure what to do with you. Tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?’
The man thought for a moment and replied, ‘Once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a gang. So I got out and went up to the leader of the gang.’
‘He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!’ the man said.
‘I’m impressed,’ Yamraj responded, ‘When did this happen?’
‘About two minutes ago,’ came the reply.
(7 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5) Loading ...A 60 year old woman was walking along when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100.”
She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard “You will live to be 100.”
Oh! she thought to herself that was the voice of God. I’ve got 40 more years to live!
So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe.
(16 votes, average: 4.19 out of 5) Loading ...A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
Tired of all those crappy, "not so funny" old jokes?
We have gone through thousands of jokes and selected only the funniest ones which will definitely make you laugh your ass off.
Simply fill and submit the form below and receive the hilarious jokes every week in your email:
