Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Moscow the Capital of China



A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: “Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!”

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The priest inquired: “Why must you pray so, my child?”

Girl: “That’s what I’ve written in my answer sheet in the examination!”

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Bitten by vampire



Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

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Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”

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Get inside the heaven



Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.”

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St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “About 1500.” “That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.”

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Dance party



Boy to girl at a dance party: “Kya tum mere sath dance karogi?”

Girl reply: “Main bacche ke saath dance nahi karti.”

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Boy: Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho.

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Emergency landing



Rajiv and Priya are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,” Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

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Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Priya, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”

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