Funny and Hilarious Jokes





Make a sentence



Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

Report card

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: ‘Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.’

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: ‘Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.’

Comments(2)| |

Deep hole



Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

“Wow…that looks deep.”

“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.

“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.

hole.jpg

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey…over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it’s GOTTA make some noise.”

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it’s legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen…

goatrunning.jpg

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. “Hey… you two guys seen my goat out here?” “You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”

“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”

Comments(2)| |

Does your dog bites



A man was sitting near a dog. Another man appeared there and asked the first man Does your dog bites?

Man: No

dog.jpg

The second man sits and the dog bites him!

Second man angrily: “You said it does not bites!”

Man: “This is not my dog.”

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Escaped gay convict



A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

2356.jpg

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

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When We Get Married



Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy and girl

Boy : It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.

Girl : Well that is because we aren’t married yet.

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