Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Love forever



Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear!

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Girl: Would you die for me ?

Boy: No, mine is Undying Love!

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Train Crash



Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”

Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.

“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.

“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.

“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone was busy?”

“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.

“What if that had been vandalized?”

“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”

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Different signs



# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

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# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
We need your heads to run our business.

# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they never will be…..

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Cheating husband and wife



Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

“None. I had a perfect marriage.”

Angel

Great, says Peter. You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.

Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.

Okay, says Peter. You get a rusty Ford. Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying.

What’s wrong?

I just saw my wife.

So?

She was riding a skateboard.

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Saving a president



One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.”

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The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!”

“I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Bush. “I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said.
“I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said Bush. “And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.

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“I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”

“No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.”

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