Funny and Hilarious Jokes





Policeman and Driver



A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.
I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

police

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“All right, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk on this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

Because I’m drunk.” …

Comments(0)| |

Woman



Element name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic weight: (don’t even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

woman.jpg

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Comments(93)| |

I want to be a cockroach



Santa: What do you want to become in your next life?

Banta: A cockroach.

cockrocac.jpg

Santa: Why?

Banta: Kyun ki meri wife sirf cockroach se hi darti hai.

Comments(2)| |

Hansa-Praful



Hansa: Praful elastic matlab??

Praful: Elastic Hansa…

khichdi.png

Apni voh radha ben unki beti ila …
Usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi??

Hansa: Ila to…
Ila-stick leke …
Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!

Comments(11)| |

What happens at Sunday morning at 11?



This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves
what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

doctors.jpg

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..
Just when the Clock struck 11…

And then……

then…..

then……..

20446753thm.jpg

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Comments(15)| |

Pages (50): [1] 2 3 4 » ... Last »

Receive the best jokes...

Tired of all those crappy, "not so funny" old jokes?

We have gone through thousands of jokes and selected only the funniest ones which will definitely make you laugh your ass off.

Simply fill and submit the form below and receive the hilarious jokes every week in your email:

Name:
Email:

? >