Funny and Hilarious Jokes

Man and God

Man asked God how much is the value of $100 million to you.

God : Its about 1 cent for me.

Man : God how long is 100 years for you.


God : Its about 1 second for me.

Man : God why don’t you give me $100 million its only 1 cent for you.

God : Sure but can you wait 1 second.

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A great actor

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, “this is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line “ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”


The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

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Do you wanna get married?

Morning : If you do not prepare Breakfast then,


Evening : If you talk with girls.


Night: If you Deny to take her to Restaurant.

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Element name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic weight: (don’t even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.


Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

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The lecturer is taking the class seriously.

One of the student looking towards the window side in the class room. The lecturer asks the student. For what purpose are you coming school?


Student: For vidhya sir!

Lecturer: Then why you are looking towards window?

Student: Vidhya’s(Girl friend) not reached the school yet now.

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