Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Inside or outside?



Mr inside lives with Mrs outside.

Inside went outside leaving outside inside.

Outside standing inside called inside to come inside.

But inside staying outside called outside to come outside.

so outside came outside and inside went outside.

totally confused
oh, no where is ur mind now? Inside or outside?

Comments(3)| |

Cheating husband and wife



Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

“None. I had a perfect marriage.”

Angel

Great, says Peter. You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.

Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.

Okay, says Peter. You get a rusty Ford. Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying.

What’s wrong?

I just saw my wife.

So?

She was riding a skateboard.

Comments(0)| |

I would have been out of jail today



A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

man with coffee

What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.

What are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his coffee. “Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

Yes, I do,” she replies. The husband paused.

Continue Reading »

Comments(5)| |

Stop or slow down



A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,” the man replied.

“You failed to stop at the stop sign,” the cop explained.

“But I did slow down!” the guy argued. The cop shook his head. “You are required to stop. That’s why they’re called stop signs.”

afhd.jpg

The man started to get belligerent. “Stop, slow down – what’s the difference?”

The cop pulled out his baton. “I can show you. I’m going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.”

Comments(2)| |

A Blind Man and a Dog



A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

blind-man.jpg

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”

Comments(5)| |

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