Funny and Hilarious Jokes





I don’t want to upset you



After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the 1000th time, “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?

wife

The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone

The wife continued to beg and plead and promised she wouldn’t get angry.

Finally, the husband gave in.

“Okay,” he said, “Let’s see, there was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you — nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…..”

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There’s nothing RajniCan’t Do!!!



==>Rajnikant has counted to infinity-twice.

==>When Rajnikant does pushups, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.

==>Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!

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==>Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

==>Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

==>The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.

==>Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.

==>Rajnikant’s every step is a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of his morning jog!

==>Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!

==>There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai!

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A great actor



There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, “this is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line “ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

Actor

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

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Moscow the Capital of China



A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: “Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!”

priest.jpg

The priest inquired: “Why must you pray so, my child?”

Girl: “That’s what I’ve written in my answer sheet in the examination!”

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E-mail To Wife



A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

computer

Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

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