Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Horse Pulled Over By Cop



An Amish lady is riding down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

lady riding horse

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”

“Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals.”

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Jack fruit



Three friends were traveling and went to a desert and were not getting any food. After a long search they got one Jack fruit and some bananas. They ate bananas at night and put the Jack fruit for morning breakfast.

Next morning when they woke up and described what they dreamt at night. One is telling I went to 7th layer of the sky and saw nice young fairies were dancing besides me.

dreserttravel.jpg

Another one is telling that I went bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. One beautiful girl came and kissed me and told me that she is the Queen of the Sea. She touches my hands and whole night we ate, drank and made merry. Really fantastic.

3rd one is now describing what he dreamt and he said, “I saw one Black tall ghost, who came to me and chased me and ordered me to eat the Jack fruit. But I told him I have got two friends, without them I will not eat the Jack fruit.

ghost.jpg

But the Ghost made me eat the Jack fruit and I ate it all. I tried to call you two, but one of you were in Mid sky and another was under the sea and having fun, so I could do save it for u!

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A wise wish



A man walking along a goa beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want.”

bridge

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

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IT husband



Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband: (Returning late from work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged in.”

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?

Husband: Bad command or file name.

Wife: But I told you in the morning

Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

virus.jpg

Wife: What about my new TV?

Husband: Variable not found…

Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied…

Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband: Too many parameters…

Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

conputer.jpg

Husband: Data type mismatch.

Wife: You are useless.

Husband:
It’s by Default.

Wife: What about your Salary?

Husband: File in use… Try after some time.

Wife: What is my value in the family.

Husband: Unknown Virus.

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Dumb kid



A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,

then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

barber.jpg

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”

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