Funny and Hilarious Jokes




I want a divorce…



A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”

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Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”

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The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, “Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, “The airbag.”

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A sweet kissful letter…



A letter has been sent from a husband :

Dear Sweetheart :

Reading letter

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.

Your Loving Husband.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Continue Reading »

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Does your dog bites



A man was sitting near a dog. Another man appeared there and asked the first man Does your dog bites?

Man: No

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The second man sits and the dog bites him!

Second man angrily: “You said it does not bites!”

Man: “This is not my dog.”

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Valentine for Osama



A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “Will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?”

The father thinks for a moment and then says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” the boy says.

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“Why Osama ,” his father asks in disbelief.

“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d jump with joy. And then he’d go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

Father’s heart swells and he looks at his son with new found pride and joy.

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“David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” David says, “And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him.”

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Everyone wants to buy it



Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house. He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd was gathered.

The farmer replied,” Billy Bob’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”

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“I see,” Gary said. “Well, she must have had a lot of friends.”

“Naw,” the farmer said, “we just all want to buy his mule.”

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