Funny and Hilarious Jokes





Don’t believe in genie



A couple was golfing one day on a Very Exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, do not knock out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much it’s going to cost us.”

play-golf.jpg

They walked up and knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

“Uh yeah, sorry about that”
the husband replied.

“No, actually I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You have released me. I am allowed to grant three wishes – I will give you each one wish, and I will keep the last one for myself.” the genie said.

“OK” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem-it is the least I can do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said looking at the wife.

geniews.jpg

“I want a house in every country of the world” she said.

“Consider it done.” the genie said.

“And what is your wish, genie?”
the husband said, “Well, since I have not had love with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I would not mind.”

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was all over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, “How old is your husband anyway?”

“35″ she said.

“Really? And he still believes in genies !!!!!!!!!

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Cut the tail



Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.

“Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

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Amazing friends



Teen aadmi ek ganja, doosra langra, tisra andha jo road paar kar rahe thay ki ek bus ka guzarna hua toh pehla aadmi bola, “Abe sala kaun tha jo mere balon ki setting hi bigad di.”

three-friends.jpg

Doosra bola: “Ruk-ruk abhi sale ko pakadta hun.”

Tisra bola: “Koi baat nahi chhodo maine already uska number note kar liya hai.”

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Oh!!! Aisa honeymoon



Mr Mahen Lal grew up in America. At the age of 24 he decided to get married but he wanted a sati savitri type of girl who will cook and clean, take care of his family (typical girl).

His parents wanted him to choose a bride from his homeland. So Mahen goes to visits his old village.

Honeymoon

He fell in love with Kamla (love at first site) kamlawati was uneducated, that’s one of the things Mahen liked about her because he knows how educated girls change in the U.S.

Anyway he said kamla to marry him promising her that they will go on a honeymoon. Kamla was amazed she thought to herself, “kya pati milla hai muje moon pe lejayega”

Continue Reading »

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Fun in Hospital



Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”

Telephone call

Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”

Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. “

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