A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said “Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100.”
The lawyer stood up and said “Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, But if you’d allow him a few minutes in the crowd he will gather all the required fine.”
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick”!
The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.
LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”
POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: No, We have a carport and don’t need a grudge.
LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”
LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.
LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”
POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”
LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”
POLE: “She going to kill me!”
LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
POLE: “I got proof.”
LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say “Polish Remover”
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, Why would you think that?
The tombstone back there said, “Here lies a lawyer an honest man.”
A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”. Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.
“Excuse me sir, “the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”
The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”
Lawyer asked to the Lady, “How was your first marriage terminated?”
The lady replied, “By death.”
Lawyer asked again, “Well, by whose death was it terminated?”
Lady replied, “Non-sense.!!
The lawyer asked again, “At east try to guess it.”
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