Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Saving a president



One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.”

drown.jpg

The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!”

“I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Bush. “I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said.
“I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said Bush. “And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.

wheelchair.jpg

“I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”

“No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.”

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Wait a second



A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord: “God, what does a million years mean to you?”

The Lord replies
: “A second.”

The man asks: “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”

wishes.jpg

The Lord replies: “A penny.”

The man asks: “Can I have a penny?”

The Lord replies: “Wait a second.”

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E-mail To Wife



A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

computer

Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

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Horse Pulled Over By Cop



An Amish lady is riding down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

lady riding horse

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”

“Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals.”

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American holiday



Osama consults a psychic about the date of his death.

Psychic: You will die on an American holiday.

osama.jpg

Osama: Which one?

Psychic: Anyday you die shall be an American holiday.

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