Jokes Duniya

There was an Aussie, a Scotsman and an Aborigine driving along, when they
rolled the car and the three of them got killed. They went to Heaven and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They explained that they’d been killed and needed
a place to stay.

St. Peter replied, “I’d love to help you boys but we’re full up after the holiday season.
I’m afraid you’ll have to go into Limbo till there’s a vacancy.”

The Aussie slipped St. Peter $50 and asked if that’d make any difference.
St Peter said, “For that mate, you can go back to Earth.”

By the time the Aussie got back, there were police everywhere and an ambulance.
They all got a real shock when he sat up.

“What happened? You’ve been dead for half and hour,” asked the ambulance driver. He told them about St. Peter and the $50, so the ambulance driver asked why the other
two didn’t come back.

“Well,” says the Aussie, “The Scotsman’s trying to bargain him down to $20 and the Abo reckons the government should pay for it!”

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

Two sisters lived together, and one became quite ill. Her doctor told her she had but a short time to live.

She spoke to her sister and said, “Jennie, when I die and you put up a gravestone, I want you to inscribe it just the way I tell you. I want them to put my name on it and underneath: BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.”

She died shortly thereafter, and Jennie went to the maker of the tombstone and explained what inscription she wanted. The gravestone maker told her that there were simply too many words to be put on the headstone.

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