Funny and Hilarious Jokes





When We Get Married



Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy and girl

Boy : It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.

Girl : Well that is because we aren’t married yet.

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Patient suffering from disease



A patient was suffering from a diseases and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked,
Patient : “what are the chances of my recovering doctor?”

doctor

Doctor : “one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case i’ve treated. The others all died”.

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Suicide Bomber



Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

Man with bomb

He lands up in the enemy’s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader : No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta : Sir now there are 25 soldiers, can I do it now?

Boss : Wait for more.

Banta : Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss : Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don’t worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

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Right thing at a right time



Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

kiss-letter.jpg

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

drunk_husband.jpg

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!

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What happens at Sunday morning at 11?



This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves
what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

doctors.jpg

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..
Just when the Clock struck 11…

And then……

then…..

then……..

20446753thm.jpg

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

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