Funny and Hilarious Jokes




Everyone wants to buy it



Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house. He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd was gathered.

The farmer replied,” Billy Bob’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”

ffdfd.jpg

“I see,” Gary said. “Well, she must have had a lot of friends.”

“Naw,” the farmer said, “we just all want to buy his mule.”

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The dead rabbit



This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.

He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

bunny.jpg

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”
The guy stumbles around and says, “Um.. no.. um.. what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and some idiot had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.

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Clever Prisoner



A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

Prisoner

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”

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Ex-Husband



The married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks, “I notice you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?

Drunken man

Yes” she replies, “He’s my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”

That’s remarkable” the husband replies, “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.

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Counting In The Hole!



A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting.

“Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” goes the noise form within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.

wall

Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.

As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues: “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”

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