Jokes Duniya

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner!

So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.

Dracula says, “Congratulations, how did you do that?” The bat said, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family.”

“Very good” said Dracula.

The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, “How did you do that?”

The bat replies, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children.”

“Impressive” said Dracula.

Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.

“How on earth did you do that?” he asked.

And the bat replies, “Do you see this tower?”

Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says, “Well, I didn’t.”

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch all the fish?”

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”

“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”

When the boy arrived home he told his mother.

The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants..

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.”

The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!”

“I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Bush. “I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said.
“I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said Bush. “And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.

“I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”

“No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.”