Jokes Duniya

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the 1000th time, “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?“

The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone

The wife continued to beg and plead and promised she wouldn’t get angry.

Finally, the husband gave in.

“Okay,” he said, “Let’s see, there was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you — nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…..”

Once a husband put some urine in a bottle to take to doctor as doctor has given his urine test. But he forgot to take the bottle and left for office. By this time wife saw the bottle and she thought may be some water in the bottle she washed and keep it.

After sometimes husband telephoned her that I forgot to bring the bottle of urine, so I am right now coming home to take the bottle.

Pregnant wife afraid and to avoid scolding she has taken her urine in the same bottle and keep it for his husband. When the man take the bottle to the doctor after urine test doctor told that “You are pregnant”.

The husband came to home and told to wife “I told you not to come top, now doctor is telling that “I am pregnent”.

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

Two cops were at a far police station and while they were resting there a man comes to them and says “The terrorist killed my child and wife. I would give 50 lakhs to the person who may cut the terrorist head and give it to me.”

The two cops hear this and they go for the terrorist head. Soon they find a terrorist and they start to cut his head.

But as they are cutting his head 50 terrorists comes there with guns and look angrily at the cops. But the cops start dancing and say:
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“WE ARE GOING TO BE MILLIONAIRES!!!!!!!!!”