Funny and Hilarious Jokes



Family Problem

(19 votes, average: 4.74 out of 5)
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Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar
drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man
said to the American, “You know my parents are
forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.” We call this arranged marriage.

bar

I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.

The American said, Talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.

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Counting In The Hole!

(5 votes, average: 4.2 out of 5)
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A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting.

“Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” goes the noise form within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.

wall

Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.

As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues: “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”


At hospital…

(9 votes, average: 4.56 out of 5)
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At a hospital looking through the window at the newly arrived babies.

Father says, “Kitchy kitchy koo”.

Look, she smiled! Isn’t she adorable?”

nurse

His friend says, “But your kid didn’t smile.”

The father replies, “I was talking about the nurse”


Banana Peel

(9 votes, average: 3.44 out of 5)
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Customer : “How much is that banana for?”

Salesperson : “$1.00″

Customer : “Can you sell it to me for 60 cents?”

Banana

Salesperson : “At that rate, you’ll only get the banana peel!”

Customer : “Okay… I’ll buy the banana for 40 cents, but you can keep the peel!”


What are you doing?

(11 votes, average: 4.18 out of 5)
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

fly

Oh!, Killed any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females”, he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”

He responded
, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone”.

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