Jokes Duniya

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy’s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader : No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta : Sir now there are 25 soldiers, can I do it now?

Boss : Wait for more.

Banta : Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss : Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don’t worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

Dentist : I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes.
Patient : How much will it cost?

Dentist : It’s Rs.1000.
Patient : One thousand for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, “this is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line “ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

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A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.
“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“All right, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk on this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.” …