Ex-Husband
The married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks, “I notice you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?“
“Yes” she replies, “He’s my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
“That’s remarkable” the husband replies, “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.“
Six tomatoes
A kleptomaniac ( someone who likes to steal) woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
“This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?”
The woman agreed.
“Then I sentence you to six nights in jail.”
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, “Your honor, may I approach the bench?”
“Well,” said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench.”
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he whispered, “She also stole a can of peas.”
Girls are like internet virus!
Girls are like an internet virus:
They enter your life,
Scan your pockets,
Transfer your money,
Edit your mind,
Download their problems and
Delete your smile
So please download the software SayNoToGirls.EXE to save your life otherwise the hardisk of your heart may crash.
Psychiatric
The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, “How do you determine if a patient is cured.”
The psychologist explains:
“We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub.”
“I see,” says the health minister, “The cured person would choose the cup because it`s bigger, and would empty the tub faster.”
“Actually no,” replies the psychologist, “A normal person would simply pull the plug.”
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