A Philosopher is giving speech in a crowed, he told to the people, “Always listen to your wife as she gives 100% sound advice.”
People from the crowed asked him, “Please Sir, tell in details how the wife gives 100% sound advice?”
The Philosopher replied, “99% sound and 1% advice.”
Two friend are talking about different issues. Suddenly one asked to another “Do you know about the worries of Man and Woman?”
Another friend replied, “NO.”
Then the friend replied, “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.“
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants..
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, A mature and distinguished man with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge.”
“If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $5,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”
At this point, the father who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him:
“Then you try again…!”
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”
The guy stumbles around and says, “Um.. no.. um.. what happened?”
The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and some idiot had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.
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