Funny and Hilarious Jokes



A bird story



A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot
. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff
.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new
madam.”

smarty-pants.jpg

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought,
“That’s really not so bad.”

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New
house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been
raised
.

Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

“Hi, Keith!”


We don’t have air conditioner



A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

12.jpg

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.”
said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”


My wife don’t like it



A police asked to a thief, “Why you went to stole same rack 3 times in a store?

rack.jpg

The Thief replied, “Sir, I stole one dress for my wife and I came to change it twice.”


If you will try to kiss



Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Kissing

Boy : Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.


Cheating husband and wife



Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

“None. I had a perfect marriage.”

Angel

Great, says Peter. You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.

Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac.

And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.

Okay, says Peter. You get a rusty Ford. Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying.

What’s wrong?

I just saw my wife.

So?

She was riding a skateboard.

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