Jokes Duniya

Okay , here is the full thing of the ” If microsoft made cars” joke..
Enjoy…

If Microsoft made cars…

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating (by Mr Welch himself, The GM CEO): If GM had developed
technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
  buy a new car.
• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason,
  and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause
  your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
  have to reinstall the engine.
• Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
  “Car95″ or “CarNT.” But then you would have to buy more seats.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable,
  five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run
  on five per cent of the roads.
• The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
  replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.

• New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.



• The airbag system would say “Are you sure?” before going off.

• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
  and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
  door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
  Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they
  neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option
  would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or
  more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the
  Justice Department.

• Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn
  how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
  operate in the same manner as the old car.

• You’d press the “start” button to shut off the engine.

ZZZZZZZZ………

Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.

CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!!

Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.

Santa : “My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can’t you carry even this much?”

Banta : “But yours is empty and my disk is full”!!!